I was traveling in the darkness before dawn, driving west, away from you. The mile markers between us continued to grow. A feeling of hopelessness washed over me, like the lights had been turned out on our love. Sleet fell, casting an ominous pallor across my windshield. I felt lost, disoriented by a direction that no longer feels right. For a moment I wondered whether the pain of our repeated separations would ever reconcile with the joy of our reunions. The two are constantly at odds. The uplifting highs of being together are countered by the disheartening lows of going solo. How do I find balance between the two? I see you, and I’m on top of the world. We say our goodbyes, and I sink into despair.
I was lost in this place of despair for hours, and then something simple but amazing happened: morning. I looked east and saw a rural airport beneath a heavenly sky. My spirits rose, and I found peace in the clouds. In the light of day I saw myself heading toward you, not away. Keeping faith, I am confident our hellos and goodbyes will one day merge and find a home under a single roof.
Faithfully yours, your darling. xx
Last night you dreamed of my lovely form and gentle spirit. Tonight, you’ve asked me to come to you again. Brace yourself. My arrival will be as fierce as winter.
Just as the roses in my garden long for spring, I long for you. The stems of my grandifloras are weighted down with snow; their thorns, sharpened by ice. The thorn of your absence is piercing, and I am exposed to the barren landscape of the season.
Shakespeare compared the absence of a lover to that of winter in Sonnet 97:
How like a winter hath my absence been
From thee, the pleasure of the fleeting year!
What freezings have I felt, what dark days seen!
Leave your bedroom window open tonight. Close your eyes, embrace the darkness and welcome the elements. When you feel the wind upon your lips, you’ll know I have arrived. By morning, you’ll be singing of spring.
Loving you fiercely,
Each day we dive deeper into this deliciously sweet and spicy love of ours, and although we are separated by too many miles to mention, the signposts along the highways always indicate we should be together. If we keep following the markers in our hearts, surely we will eventually reach our destination.
Tonight I finished a Netflix Western called Godless. One of the main characters in the series learns how to read by studying old letters he has found in a wrecked stagecoach. One of the letters is written by a wife who was separated from her husband.
Let me share it with you.
My own darling husband. No letter from yesterday’s mail and the stage is not running, so I do not know whether I have any today or not. You cannot know how I long for my daily crumbs. I feel so thoroughly alone here that it, by the most natural process, launches my thoughts and desires westward toward you in an untold degree.
I wonder if you’ll be glad to see me upon your return. I wonder if the long months haven’t blurred the clearness of my outline and the joy of my companionship. How I look forward to even a short interval of having you alone with me, as with all the anticipation of a bride to her honeymoon. For I know that if I had the chance to make love to you and you were not too shy, I think I could be quite entertaining for a little while. Until then, I’ll kiss your image carried in my memory and never cease wishing it were real.
Your devoted wife, Anna
I love the closing line: “Until then, I’ll kiss your image carried in my memory and never cease wishing it were real.” Isn’t it lovely? This is how it will be for me until I reach you. Your image is seared in my memory. I will never stop wishing it were real until I feel you in my arms again.
Your devoted, C
I woke this morning realizing I have only 86,400 seconds today to center my thoughts on you.
That’s how I enjoy using my time, because, let’s be real, you are a one-of-a-kind adventure, my love, a real joy-giver. My friends swear daily meditation keeps them grounded, but I prefer to focus my attention on you. Remembering your smile makes me smile, and I laugh every time I replay your silly jokes in my head.
Each day time credits me with 86,400 seconds. It seems like a lot, but if I misuse a second, the loss is mine. There is no going back. So right now I open myself to imaginings of you. Come and live in my thoughts today, my dear. The sea is calm when I’m adrift in reverie of you.